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Happy holidays, when it’s not so happy…

Photo: My Cosmo Kiss, 7.5kg/16.5 pounds of lovable not so happy (on this photo) fur ball. It’s so easy to love him, and he is far from perfect! 🙂 He doesn’t love me unconditionally, but almost only when I feed him. I’m trying to do it less as it shows in his weight obviously. How to do ‘the love less’ thing? Hm…

I didn’t say you have to love everybody!

Inspired by today’s zoom call. Even if you weren’t there, you could still read it.

I regret I asked the question as it came out in a way it wasn’t really meant to. I’m surprised it didn’t get yelled at, thanks for that. 🙂

What I mean you do not have to justify for not loving some people in your life. The ones that mistreated you repeatedly or abused you in many ways. Please stop trying!

I have talked about my friend, who’s mom left him to her grandparents when he was 2 years old…looking in perspective, it was a million times better than when he had stayed with his mom, who was a total drunk. More of it here: Moms

My friend has been kind enough to himself not to connect with her too much later in life. They do not owe each other anything. Although she tends to make him feel like he does… Yes, how interesting is that!? Owe her what, some memory flashes of a drunk mom that wasn’t able to answer the door?

I have talked about my mom in a superlative, but that doesn’t mean she was perfect. Couldn’t be further from that. I was only a little human that went through too much because of her choices, and she made sure that I didn’t have a relationship with my dad. She used to say to him; she is mine, and mine only. But see, if my dad isn’t bright enough to see that through and chooses the victim hood that ‘no one loves him’, then it’s his choice. I haven’t been able to prove enough that I do love him. You can’t and do not have to prove it ever anyway. ‘It’s not my job’ like previous prime minister of Australia used to say. 🙂 (When we actually had a crises in the country and he chose to take a holiday overseas).

So how do I love my mom then? I just do, I know she did the best to her knowledge at the time, and her actions are not all of her. She is more than that. She almost always acknowledged her shortages, that probably was a huge help as well, and that’s what creates the appreciation and love in me for her.

Like I have said in my parent’s chapter, I started to get some kind of support from my parents as late as 14 years old. Before that I was pretty much on my own. More of it here:  Good parents are bad parents and bad parents are good parents.

Christmas brigs really up so much, and I really wouldn’t want you to suffer it! Choose for you for once, and do not do or go if you feel like it. You will get Christmas on your way someday soon; if that’s what you want.

I once chose to spend Christmas alone, like totally alone at my parent’s house. Staring at the Christmas tree lights and warming myself in front of the fire place. It was quiet and so much Space there literally.

They had already divorced and moved on; my mom was living overseas. The house had been pretty much abandoned for 10 years by that time. It reminded me when I was little, how all 3 of us squeezed ourselves into our small couch, like sprats in a tin, talking and dreaming. It didn’t make me sad; I was happy I had that memory, and I saw that everyone had to move forward. I was actually happy about everyone else but me, because I didn’t feel I had moved on.

I was invited to my dad’s wife’s parents house as per normal, who are actually beautiful people, but I felt like I’m not as happy as they are, and I just can’t do it.

Most people can’t do the be with yourself by any measure, always have to be surrounded by crowds; so celebrate if you can! Because if you can ‘do’ you, then you’ll attract more of those who truly can ‘do’ you as well.

What if you are present this year; that is a present for yourself?

Everything contributes to you, if you choose to receive it, even the chaos and mess within you or outside of you. Get curious, what’s next? Perhaps, ask what can I create here? Create for future?

I’m having the most boring day today, and I couldn’t be happier! Writing for you here and soon start testing out chocolate mousse recipe. If you need a simple dinner idea. I will bake a piece of salmon in the oven and serve it with a boiled potatoes, and sour cream with a loads of fresh dill in it, and salt goes into everything obviously. Simple, pure flavors are great because everything tastes as it actually does. I guess I like my food like I like my people. 🙂 The 24th is the main Christmas day in my birth country, so I will get into the crowds tomorrow…if I choose that.

Sending contributions to you who can receive it!

Make your day on your way!

Merry Christmas!

 

R