I happened to listen one of the You Tube clips from E.Tolle about How Can I Decide Who Is to Be My Partner?
I think it explains quite well why we like who we like or love who we love. It’s not always obvious, and sometimes it’s even so hidden that the person who you’re attracted to has no awareness of their own self, meaning they do not know what you can see. It’s the essence of them, that is not obvious.
Sometimes all you see is a person’s shadow to know they’re your person, not knowing their appearance or voice or anything really. So how do you know? Something in you knows, without any information. As a matter of fact, information can often ruin it, just because it’s not objective and it’s not your information about them. It’s not how they are with you. So better do not google people; make up your own mind when it’s time. People are not equal to the things they do. They are something else.
My first relationship started in high school, I had just had my 15th birthday. I had landed in the new school that I hated where I was absolutely miserable especially because I had to leave behind my dearest classmates of 9 years; however, on class breaks, I could hear someone playing drums.
I followed the sound, but I never saw who was playing because I had to get to the next class. Music maniac as I am, I was very excited to find out who’s that playing drums…so I made my guesses checking people out at school for a while. I found one, and then ‘prayed ‘that it was him, and it was J so that’s how it all started. My friends and family were pretty surprised as never went out, so where did he come from? Anyway, alI I needed was a sound…no other info of any kind. Hem, I didn’t realise I’ve dated a musician, or well at the time he was just a boy loving drums actually. My high school got so much better from this point on. 🙂
Someone just recently mentioned that you sure want equal giving and receiving; it got me thinking. What is equal firstly? It’s something in your mind and another thing in another person’s mind, and if you want a relationship, then you’re not going to get very far unless it’s a same-sex couple, but men and women aren’t equal. Read more in the Men & Women category. We have perfectly different strengths and weaknesses.
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If you want equal, then that’s what you get: equal and never anything greater. You’re constantly calculating who did what, who received what. Sounds exhausting. I do not know why would you start anything if you’re not willing to go all the way. If you want equality, you’ll get equality—but nothing beyond that.
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Wouldn’t you want to do your best instead? Do you think you have limited ability to contribute? May ask instead where’s can I be the greatest contribution in this?
In a sense they have to be equal to create greater together into this world, but that’s not anything tangible; that’s not give-and-take dynamics or anything measurable. That is beyond – that is essence.
My next relationship began when I was 27, and he was 22. Think for a second. 🙂 Yes, that. I had finished uni, travelled, and lived in America by myself and held a couple of office jobs by that time. Where’s he was living off his grandparent’s money while attending uni. What is equal about that? Life plays us, I always considered patience isn’t my thing, and then it became my thing in a big way.
What if you’re going to go to the next relationship or to the current one with an allowance as big as your age gap was: 5 years, 10 years, or whatever. Just because your brain needs to measure everything. Give them that Space, and for yourself. In true reality, your partner is coming from a different life experience than you have lived; therefore, there is a space/allowance required to let yous evolve together. After a couple of years or more, you have created some memories together; by then, you have more clarity, and fun could begin.
Where there is a will, there is a way.
Different perspective.
You have known for all your life that it has to start big and awesome and maybe with the engagement ring, but what if the opposite is true? What if your allowance can gradually expand, giving and receiving and witnessing the evolvement of something different? That’s again trusting the unseen.
If I had calculated how to be equal, I’d never even have gotten started with it. If I had calculated his life experience and then mine… all that is irrelevant. What is relevant is how 2 lives come together at the point of time. No one knows for how long it is; it can’t be calculated nor needed to.
How much calculating have you done in your life with everything in every area of your life that has restricted you from creating greater with everything? P& P. You’re holding back your giving as if it were some kind of deficiency. How’s that working out in any relationship?
The more definitions or judgments you have about who should be your partner, the more limited your options are, so what if you let go of the predefinitions of them?
It’s a person; it’s not ‘a ready product.’ They evolve, progress, and change, as do you, and it’s beautiful if you let it. And yet you can’t expect that, you can’t expect ‘the return’ love doesn’t work from the space of expectations it’s love.
So how do you know if you’re in a good one?
You know that you’re putting in there everything you got, and they put there everything they got, and maybe it’s even easy, you’re both happy.
Of course the reality is that it can get off course, then have a meeting and another one and another one and see if willingness is still there.
Or they do not put in there everything they got, and they know that means there’s a potential for improvement.
Or their input is lacking; they know that and aren’t willing to do anything about it.
What can you be/do?
To be open space for possibilities.
Let go of judgments and definitions expectations about people or assumptions.
Ask yourself if you have put out there everything you have and then ask them if they have done that. It’s also ok if they tell you that they haven’t because they haven’t realized it until now. If they are willing to do it, that matters.
No need to trust anyone else if you know you. You realize that you have you, you choose, you decide for yourself, and if it’s not working out, you do not have to use your beautiful being on blaming others for the rest of your life as you realize you made these choices.
And eventually if the door is not opening, it’s not your door. That should give you peace of mind, you know that you did what you could. The same with new potential relationships: you put yourself out there as clearly as you’re brave to do so and you do not regret that you didn’t try. If the door’s not open, it’s not your door.
How do you know in different life situations:
1.You just know or something in you knows that you could cocreate – something for each other and /or in a bigger way into this world.
- You do not care who does what, you’ve quit calculating and old structures. You know how you want to feel in it and beyond.
- You do not care if your proposal could get rejected you’re doing it anyway (the sign that ego isn’t on the way anymore, love has overridden it).
- You do not desire what everyone else has, you want to create your own.
What can you choose now that is beyond expectations separations and judgements? What choice is available for you now that you didn’t realise you have?
How can it all get better than that?
What if you have far more allowance than you thought you have?
It’s a bit messy; I apologize. I didn’t realise how much charge has the equality thing. Every sentence here is a representation of a chapter, so if you’ll get with these a lot fewer words, then celebrate you, and I thank you for it!
While writing it, there came up other things, like how long would you give to this? Well exactly as long as you have a love for it.
Where have you misidentified love by saying it’s not love? Love is love; there’s no confusion there. If it doesn’t look like anything you have experienced before or anyone has ever had, it doesn’t mean it’s not love.
There are different kinds of love we experience in our lifetime. These aren’t necessarily looking the same, and no one is better than the other. These are just different. Some had led to something, and some weren’t meant to be.
No need to invalidate any of this.
And a no song 🎶🎶🎶, meaning none, I could choose for this chapter. I guess IT hasn’t found the way into this world yet. Something to be excited about!
♥️Love
What else:)