Photo: I do not mean to break your drama bubble, but I’m actually laughing here, although if you think about it, crying looks just the same. 🙂 I would let anyone to photograph that’s not pretty.

The purpose of that chapter is to remind you that you can, even if you do not know How or even if the science, the world or your mom says otherwise. It can be only about you; you can’t change anyone else; they have their own will.

The Will Is Bigger Than the How

Changes! I have done my ‘time’. Perhaps I haven’t talked about it, but very many things that are considered normal life here I really haven’t experienced in recent decade or actually longer than that. Now that it’s changing, I noticed that all wobbliness is falling off from my life generally, and I have not made decisions consciously on that matter; I just noticed it now.

Not to go too deep into it, I’ll give you a little bit of context. Living on visas for 12 years is like living as half a person, where the words ‘sense of safety’ or ‘stability’ have no meaning – every Thing is in the air – all your life – all the time. I know what you’re saying now: ‘Who has stability?’ Yeah, well, read that previous sentence again. And, yes, I know I chose it because I didn’t know how to choose easy as many of us don’t, it’s done now.

One example of many: During that time, I contacted countless immigration lawyers, who should have options in mind. One of them: A few years ago, I looked up the best lawyer in town to book a consultation: 15 min for $300 for looking into my resume, but hey, she’s the best, so surely, her advice is valuable. How the convo went was that she was in tears, not seeing any options at all; eventually I had to comfort her. Her only idea was to go public, to get attention; it was not a good idea at all. However, her crying there on the other side of the screen made me think that you can cry all you want, lady, but there will be a way anyway, and surely there was, ‘only’ 6 years away. Imagine how she actually could’ve taken my morals down with her. Didn’t happen.

There’s a lot; one day maybe if there’s really nothing more fun to talk about, we can go there. The baseline has changed. Now what’s possible? Universe, What else is possible???:) :):)

Definitely writing helped; once I had started, it gave a sense that no matter what’s next, I still have me and everything in me to create what needs to be created till I am here.

Find that thing for you, that gives you that especially useful in challenging life situations/ periods – something from your inside. Could be knowing about yourself, your ability to always be there or come with love or create in your own way.

We started from the end with the chapters about forgiving and now will talk about anger, should’ve been the other way round. Sorry about that; I’m a Cancer, and the truth is I even do things against my own will sometimes (crabs are moving backwards at times). I must say living upside down – in Australia – has helped on that matter, though, more towards equilibrium. Lol. Happiest birthday & love to all my Cancers here!

Let’s get more into anger.

The idea is that you’ll become able to flip it over once you see how to and see what it actually is.

Firstly, sadness and anger are the two things on the same scale – when sadness overgrows, it becomes anger. It’s ok to be angry, but it has to find a way out before it accumulates for years and becomes bigger, as that could result in a brutal illness. You have probably noticed how the goodest-goodest people usually get cancer; that’s because they never say anything ‘bad’ / honest that needs to be expressed; they literally take it to the grave. In another way of looking at it, they hide their anger, as it’s not acceptable or noble to have that in society.

However, you say what needs to be said, and the end result is that you’re actually grateful that it came up, because it was about time it became catalyst for some kind of progress. It means you’ve forgiven all parties, including yourself. That’s freedom and health.

Men sometimes go and beat each other in front of the nightclub because their enormous sadness has grown into anger. There are alternatives, though, exercise-wise. 🙂 Women do not do that; they cry or yell at someone or something at anyone just because the sadness has crossed the limit in their emotional world, or they will be prescribed some nice pills to repress that. That’s how it shows up, or you repress it until you get sick, and then your body helps you to burn it through with illness, sometimes temperature.

Yes, thank your body for all the things you’ve put it through!

How it works: thoughts – emotions – body.

It’s ok to be angry! Actually, we should say to have anger, not to identify with it.  It’s normal. Ask, what is it here for? Access says anger is potential, it surely is unexpressed …Everything really. Next time ask yourself: What is the potential I’m not living/allowing here? Love is an enormous potential too, and if not being expressed can turn into sadness/anger.

Perhaps there will be a day we do not need anger anymore, but until then, we learn from it.

We create everything…the good & the bad. The bad is never only bad…nor is anyone. Or the good is never only good either.

Thank you, Anger; bye, Anger!

Maybe I should explain how I managed conflicts. It was the very beginning of that relationship, and it was rocky but got better and better over time. So, maybe unusual, but sometimes beginnings can be rocky. Two different worlds needed time & work to merge.

However, I had very little tolerance for conflicts, and so did he; both had witnessed enough of that in childhood.

Let’s begin, welcome to the weirdo land! Are you rather weird and happy or sad and normal? Things like that make you believe anything is possible.

So, at the beginning when I got into a fight, I always cried; I felt how pointless it was and was literally crying because of the time wasted. Very much felt as if I had only that day to live, and it made me enormously sad to waste it on fighting, very intensely. I have to mention that I kind of feel that way about life still, but I do not cry about it, I just aim to make the best of it until there’s time, we do not know how much there is.

As the time went by, there were fewer and fewer fights, but now my reaction to a fight – I started laughing because it was just so silly; I saw how pointless it was and couldn’t help myself. Now, imagine what the other party had to feel…, getting angrier than they were in the first place, which was completely understandable, but his awareness/space came along.

In the third phase there were no fights anymore. It was something to do with being so present in the relationship that it dissolved. That’s a lot to do with presence; every time I felt I did not know how to move on, from that upset, I grabbed the ‘Power of Now’ and read it till I got lighter, and /or went for a walk, not say the things I’d later regret. I didn’t want the other to remember the words from me that I even didn’t want to say.  It didn’t solve the problem, but somehow, I felt differently about it and had changed the perspective. Even when the situation had felt impossible, I was able to move on.

I obviously didn’t blame the other party for having different opinions. I realised it’s just a situation; it’s not his fault for having a different point of view, nor was it mine. My concern was how to communicate my truth, not to judge his’ and then move on from that, and it always became possible.

I just wasn’t going to live life in yelling, slamming doors or saying the things that never should’ve been said.

• Clarity
• Do not avoid, instead go into intense presence
• Accept that you do not no How but having the will to get it resolved

It’s to illustrate how you just do not know How but the Will is bigger than anything. It’s quite possible that you have to ‘invent’ your own in many things in life in order to make them work for you. Your Willingness is bigger than anything, and that’s your super power. Make peace with not knowing relax into it, that’s how I managed these 12 years.

The same thing happened when I was told 16 years ago that I had 4-5 years to live. I surrendered but didn’t start waiting for my death. I started to appreciate life, living more by being present, and wondering what else is possible here. 4 years later the diagnosis was reversed. Whoops, sorry, it wasn’t it. I lived with it for 4 years…that’s a lot of time to realise what actually matters in life.

‘Anything you do not avoid you can change. Everything you hide you can’t change.’ (AC).

How many times in your life have you been told it’s impossible, ‘you lack that… ‘ 0r ‘In Order to…’ or you’re not good enough? Forget about it! Consider the great creators. Did they adhere to any rules, or did they forge their own path?

Work it through; do not hold onto anger – it is not worth it! You do not need other person to resolve it. It is easier, a lot easier, to do it with them, but if it’s not possible, you can do it within yourself because you’re the one with that anger/sadness in the first place, not them.

Anger is not personal, and if it is, it’s for the one holding on to it.

Watch your sadness, do not let it grow into anger. Do not hurt yourself with anger, not worth it!

If you get angry or upset, there’s something in it for you. What if it’s potential you’re not living? 🙂 or What is the potential You are not living?

You do not know where to start? Do/ be what makes you happy big or small – follow that, Now, not tomorrow. Xx

Listening: One recent refreshener from D. Heer If I choose This

Attachment: Translation of random sentences about anger & health conditions from Viilma’s book. Anger the book reading

Music: Mellow is beautiful, but it’s so often AI. 😔 Can’t someone sing these songs for real? I’ll choose that song later; the sun is out, gotta run! 🙂