Photo: My foot.
Marriage: Love, Choice & Creating Your Own Relationship – it’s a very general paragraph, not so much about reasons why anyone wants to or doesn’t want to get married or good or bad reasons to do it. The question is, why wouldn’t you celebrate!? Everyone’s circumstances are different, and a perspective on that can only be given personally.
I got married!
Since I was given 5 years to live, the contract was initially in my mind for that time. We had been together for 4 years prior to that. It wasn’t really a romantic story, or it depends on how you look at it; he was marrying a dying girl. Dramatic 🙂
We were night & day, so a harder path was chosen, although it turned out to be rather easy, to be honest, and thinking of it, it gives you a chance to learn all the things you’re not. Perhaps if you acknowledge that you’re different, it’s not that hard. Awareness helps A Lot.
My View on Marriage
My point of view on marriage is that people would rather have a couple or many than none. You can argue me to death here; that’s why I’m not going to explain it, and I’m going to win anyway! lol.
My first boyfriend wanted to get married. We were together 3-4 years; we were 14 & 15 years old when we got together. The law was just about changed to 16-year-olds who could marry without their parents’ consent. I was so young. I hadn’t even thought about it, but I wouldn’t regret if I did it. I think he was a wonderful human. Nothing to be ashamed about.
Not much in common in them, but definitely both are relatively open to different perspectives: creatives, kind, straightforward and not talkers but action takers. They arrived and didn’t leave to put it in shortly. Humour, of course; humour, humour has to be there!
Marriage Isn’t Black & White
Marriage isn’t black & white.
It isn’t one thing; it’s a million things.
Love is not enough to make it work.
You Don’t Have to Know If It’s Forever
You do not have to know today if it’s forever because you simply can’t. The best psychics can’t foresee their own lives; how should you? Perhaps you’ve noticed that the people who say it’s forever still break up, so obviously it doesn’t matter what they say or think. You step into it today because you are happy and feel the enthusiasm to build with them. There’s almost some kind of shame created around love, usually from the ones who never experienced it, and then them justifying how right they are not wanting ever to love or to get married (again). Do you buy into it, or what is true to you?
It’s your creation, version of it. Your investment. You make it, co-create it to be whatever you want it to be. Not what your parents had, even if it was good, or grandparents that were bad. You create your own. Don’t you love that?
Above all, it’s a celebration of life and living! We definitely need more of that. Celebrate more!
You Keep Choosing What You Are Living
When I was with my first boyfriend, my friend had gotten together with hers; it was on and off many, many times, and I remember her saying, ‘Reena, we do not have what you have.’ I couldn’t understand that statement at the time, but I do now. However, decades later she is still with him, not married, and has almost raised 2 beautiful children. She’s not too happy, although seemingly she has got all that she ever wanted, and the reason for that is she thinks she doesn’t have a choice; the truth is she doesn’t realise she keeps choosing it.
Once she would truly understand that, it would be freeing; she wouldn’t feel stuck, she wouldn’t be resistant, and she would be happy by realising it’s her choice she keeps living. (The change of perspective would change her reality, how she experiences it). She very well could’ve left, co-parented and/or chosen whatever she actually wanted. The suffering is about not making the choice, no clarity. It’s the mind’s constraint. (That makes other parties involved suffer as well). Or the reason is that no, we do not have what they have. It shouldn’t be like anyone has! If you’ve had many relationships in your life, you notice these have been different. It can be amazing in a million different ways.
Open the window now and say in a loud voice, ‘I am choosing what I am living!’ 🙂 Repeat until your annoyed neighbour asks you to shut up. (Doesn’t mean you understand why you’re choosing it, and there’s no need to; awareness of you choosing what you’re living helps you move forward, and if you’d like a Change, ask: What else can I choose here? What else is possible? ).
Question: What is that you keep choosing that you do not realise you’re choosing that if you did realise it would free you from suffering?
What is the choice you’re not making that, if you did, could change your reality?
You’re Both Evolving Species
It’s not that you get together with the ‘end product’ – you’re both evolving species.
If you’re the more aware one in the union, it’s not harder for you but for them actually. They’re not used to so much space you bring into their world, because no one has ever been that in their lives.
Nothing logical about it. Does joy require explanation?
No defining, trying to define them – it’s a lot better to get surprised, even after many years. And it can happen if you stop defining or putting them into a box or telling all the time how well you know them, even if you do. No one knows, as you do not know even yourself; how can you say that you know everything about them or what they’re capable of? Anyway, if you know them, then show it from time to time.
Marriage Is a Choice You Keep Making
It also isn’t hard work because nothing feels hard if you acknowledge you’re choosing to be there.
Marriage is not a destination of any kind; it’s a choice you keep making, sometimes stronger, sometimes weaker, and sometimes not choosing it like with everything in life.
Perhaps ask yourself from time to time: What am I choosing with being in this relationship? (Do not answer; let it be, simply to create space within and remind yourself you’re choosing it).
Are You Real?
There’s a popular slogan: I want something real!” Well, are you real? Are you? Because if you are, you can get it, and more than you expected. Saying that, because being occasionally under the influence that is quite normalised these days isn’t helping here. It’s the highest form of self-avoidance. By avoiding you, what will you get? Avoidance.
Your inner battles will always be there; do not expect them to solve these for you. Work on these to get greater for yourself and consequently for others. If you’re the more aware one, they can’t do much more than be the space for you; be there with their love and care. You can contribute to them a lot if they’re willing to receive it. You have to be ok even if they don’t or make a choice – if you’re actually ok with it.
What Attracted You Is Still There
On the contrary to general opinion, I’d say the qualities that attract you initially will always be there; there’s no such thing. Oh, he or she was different back then… If you value the right things, not the superficial ones, these will always be there; you’ll only see them getting greater and greater from that point on, even if your paths have parted.
You might ask, ‘What’s the point if it doesn’t last?’ There’s no point in anything in life unless you give it a meaning. What is the point of not choosing celebration for all the ‘wrong’ reasons?
Choose What’s True for You
Different people have different lives; not everyone is meant to couple up. Choose what’s true for you, and do not make your choice based on other people’s opinions or their bad experiences. Celebrate life!
By saying all that, there are most things we can choose and change, and there are things we can’t, the faithed things. We can’t control when or where we meet or love someone.
I am expecting a wedding invitation now! Life has to be celebrated more often, especially now. I’ve been to many, many more funerals in my life than weddings. Let’s change that! And have a prenup because your grandparents might want to share their assets with you but not with your potential future divorce. It’s a reasonable argument. 🙂 I am actually the one that loves romanticising people & situations, but I am telling you now. Awareness is a lot better than that; it goes deeper!
A Wonderful Tip from a 90-Year-Old Man
That’s a wonderful tip: coming from a 90-year-old man who said, ‘If you do not love her soul, just her body, do not get married.’ ❤️
Ladies, if you do not love his soul just his …stuff do not get married!
- If you had 5 years to live, what would you choose? Truth is no one knows how much you have.
- Who could you trust the most while your body or mind is fragile?
- Who would you love to co-create life with?
- Who would you have fun with, tonnes of it? 🙂
I have never asked anyone’s advice on that matter; neither should you. No one knows better than you if you are connected to yourself. Here is just a different perspective for you to help you look into where your choices are coming from, and if they are actually yours.
See, it’s all about you, not about your parents liking them or friends or even about them. You can’t control anyone’s opinions, but you can always tap into your knowing, and you’re the one you have to live with the rest of your life, it’s not optional. 🙂